So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize