ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
