It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
