i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
