I'd wear matching sweaters with you
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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