then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
