I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
