this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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