I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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