I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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