I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
