dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
