season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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