I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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