According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
This house was built for laser tag.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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