and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
