Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
