Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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