I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
