alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize