My room smells like vodka and shame
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
