A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
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It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
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Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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