I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We are two peas in an std pod
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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