You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
