life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
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