Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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