She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
