White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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