Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
