While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
