2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
