So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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