Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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