what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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