Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
