i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
