i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
