Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
