wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
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