i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
So much Jack, so little girl.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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