Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
