saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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