ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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