Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She announced her abortion via fbk
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
