Plan B is the new Plan A
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
