I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
home. puking in laundry basket.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
