she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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