There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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