Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
