Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We have so much sex to catch up on
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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