Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
