he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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