I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
