I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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