Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
