I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
