In the future we'll all be gay
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
