We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
