I want to make a zoo with you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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