I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Drunk is a universal language darling
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
