It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
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btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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