I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
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