had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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