honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
