Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
