I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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