what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I need moral support for this bender
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
