you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
