So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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