i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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