My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
